Or, as is often the case, to project unpleasant feelings onto them, such as anger or shame. This type of “enlightened fighting” doesn’t intend to hurt, but to understand.ĭysfunctional conflict, on the other hand, tends to criticize or diminish the other person. Healthy conflict implies a baseline regard for the other person’s feelings and perspectives. Conflicts that drag on for months, arguments that go around in circles, fights that don’t lead to more empathy, intimacy or better solutions - these are all signs that something is fundamentally dysfunctional in the relationship.Īnother red flag is when the fighting you engage in is especially vicious or disrespectful. That’s how a healthy relationship operates.īut if you find yourself constantly fighting with your partner, then that’s almost certainly a red flag. When a couple fights consciously and productively, they tend to arrive at better outcomes, and keep the channel of communication open in the future. In fact, a total absence of conflict often points to deeper issues - avoidance, inauthenticity, fear - in a relationship. Real talk: All couples fight from time to time. So here are eight signs your relationship isn’t working, what you can do to try to fix it, and how to know for sure when it’s time to throw in the towel and break up. Once you acknowledge them, then you can either work through them with your partner - eyes wide open - or part ways, knowing that the relationship just wasn’t right. These are complex questions that every couple has to explore and work through to arrive at the best decision.īut there are some symptoms and dynamics that clearly speak to fundamental problems in a relationship. When does a lapse in judgment become an unhealable wound? What’s the difference between temporary emotional distance and a permanent loss of passion? When does healthy conflict become toxic dysfunction? It can be hard to know when a challenge is a true red flag, or merely an obstacle to work through. Of all the questions we receive from listeners on the show, “should I break up with my partner?” is probably the most common.īut ending a romantic relationship is also one of the most difficult - and confusing - decisions we face in life.
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